Sodom was not the only wicked city destroyed by God. But the story of Sodom haunted me as a child because of Lot’s wife. She disobeyed God’s instructions, looked back at Sodom and was turned into a pillar of salt. The image was frightening; her fate struck me as unjust. Other people in the Torah received second chances after doing far worse. Adding to my youthful confusion was my belief Lot’s wife didn’t look back because she was bad.
She was sad.
So what was this woman’s story?
Lot, Abraham’s nephew, settled in Sodom and married a local girl who became “Mrs. Lot.” (The Midrash refers to her as “Idit”, but she is unnamed in the Torah.) After God decided to destroy Sodom, He sent two angels to rescue Lot and his family. Lot welcomed the angels into his home, but Sodomites were not known for hospitality, and Mrs. Lot was ungracious. According to The Midrash, she also balked when Lot asked her to salt the visitors’ food. Mrs. Lot’s reluctance to add seasoning had nothing to do with concern for Lot’s blood pressure. She disliked Lot’s traditions and said, “Do you even wish to learn this bad habit from Abraham?” Mrs. Lot then asked her neighbors for salt. Perhaps she meant to alert them to Lot’s foreign visitors even though the response would be violent. And then, when Mrs. Lot fled the city, she disobeyed God by looking back. My teacher explained Mrs. Lot was a terrible person. Her transgressions as described in the Torah were the tip of a sinful iceberg. Mrs. Lot not only defied God, she wanted to continue her wicked ways.
But her husband’s safe escape seemed unfair. Lot might have invited two angels into his home, but he was no angel himself. When angry neighbors demanded Lot hand over the visitors, Lot suggested the mob take his two youngest daughters instead.
Not exactly father of the year.
Further, when it was time to leave Sodom, Lot did not rush to follow God’s instructions.
He hesitated.
As my grandmother would have said, “Feh! That one was no prize!”
But God did not turn Lot into a heap of cilantro.
His wife?
Bam!
Pillar of salt.
I empathized with Mrs. Lot. She had to abandon the family home. She was married to a man willing to sacrifice their children to a violent mob. Perhaps Mrs. Lot looked back to see if other family members — including her two elder daughters — escaped the city. How could we fault her for such despair?
Now as an adult, I view the story differently. Perhaps Mrs. Lot looked back because even though she understood her old life must be left behind, she was unwilling to let go. I have always loved the expression, “The past should be a springboard, not a hammock.” (I first read these words in a fortune cookie; they were written by Ivern Ball.) Many of us — myself included — turn our past into a hammock, and we wallow. We obsess over events, words, tragedies and mistakes that have come and gone. Our hearts fill with regret, anger, resentment and self-loathing. We become inert, and sometimes, paralyzed.
Our pains and losses — like Mrs. Lot’s — can’t always be easily discarded. But Judaism encourages us to learn from the past, resolve to correct mistakes and do better. The past has value, but we must use it to our advantage today. It is impossible to appreciate a new sunrise if we are bound by chains of past history.
And perhaps this is what we learn from Mrs. Lot. It is not a sin to grieve. But we must know when to let go and stop mourning what can’t be changed. When Mrs. Lot looked back, I believe she was paralyzed by the horrors she witnessed. She couldn’t let go. All forward momentum was lost.
Mrs. Lot’s story can be simply interpreted: bad things happen to bad people. But it is difficult not to feel sympathy for a woman whose world — and two of her children — are destroyed. More importantly, Mrs. Lot represents stagnation. And when we wallow in the past, our lives freeze in a cascade of salty tears.
This article was published in The Jewish Advocate on November 8, 2019.
