LEARNING IN UNEXPECTED PLACES
My maternal grandmother, Nana Sarah, enjoyed reminiscing about the first time she met my grandfather. A mutual friend had already told her about Papa Harry, and there he was in the flesh, standing in the doorway of the friend’s “parlor.” As his eyes scanned the party guests, Nana Sarah was smitten.
What captured her attention?
His good looks?
His kind, quiet manner?
“Oh, no,” Nana Sarah would say with a solemn tone. “He was a student. What could be better than that?”
Nana Sarah, while not academic, hoped to finish high school. She was devastated when her stepmother insisted she drop out of school and get a job. The stepmother used Nana Sarah’s earnings for three children from an earlier marriage. (“My father was a good man,” Nana Sarah once said. “But when my mother died, the life went out of him. And when he remarried, he could only say two words. Yes to her and no to me.”) Despite these sad circumstances — or perhaps, because of them — Nana Sarah viewed education as both a blessing and an accomplishment. And Papa Harry was certainly accomplished. My grandmother worshipped him.
Papa Harry shared his knowledge with quiet modesty. He would take a pencil, circle an article in the newspaper and casually say to Nana Sarah: “You might find this interesting.” He would engage Nana Sarah in discussion, offer a few facts and theories before encouraging her to reach her own conclusion. Papa Harry drew all of us into conversations about history, Judaism and current events. He was always reading heavy books filled with big words. If anyone complimented Papa Harry on his intellectual capacity, he would respond: “Oh, I heard someone else say that last week,” or, “The silly things I remember…” But we all marveled at his brain power. Was there anything Papa Harry did not know?
My grandparents forged a good life together and many of their social activities revolved around committee work at Temple Ohabei Shalom in Brookline. They also loved classical music. Built-in bookcases covered an entire wall of their sunroom; records filled each shelf. One of my fondest memories was sitting in that sunroom listening to music with my grandparents. They belonged to a social club that regularly attended the Boston Symphony. The members took turns hosting cocktail parties before each concert. As a child, I considered this all quite glamorous.
When Papa Harry’s health declined, he spent many days and nights in the hospital. Once I sat alone with him while Nana Sarah and my mother went to speak with the doctor. The room was quiet, and Papa Harry patted my hand. “Such a sunny day,” he said. “I wish I could take a walk outside. And I’d love to go to Symphony. I miss the concerts. But I’m so thankful Sarah gave me the gift of music.” Seeing my confusion, Papa Harry explained Nana Sarah was the original music lover in the family. It was Nana Sarah who encouraged him to listen to classical music and organized their concert-going social club.
Nana Sarah?
I was shocked.
As we left the hospital, I asked Nana Sarah if this was true. “Well, no one is smarter than my Harry,” she said. “But when we first met, he was all facts and figures. I loved fine music, and he never gave it a second thought.” Then Nana Sarah smiled. “After a while, he listened with me and learned to love it. What a blessing.”
It says in Proverbs 18:15: “An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.” But education involves more than books; we must be willing and eager to learn. Furthermore, we don’t need to only seek brilliant people when expanding our minds. “Who is wise? One who learns from every man.” Ethics of the Fathers 4:1.
It is amazing what we can learn from others who might not have our education, experience, or background.
There were times my kids missed out on a learning experience because they closed their hearts and minds to a potential “teacher” who did not fit the part. We should remind our children that some of life’s most valuable lessons and eye-opening experiences can sometimes come when—and from where—we least expect. When our children reign in their tendency to dismiss others, they take a risk. But it is a risk worth taking.
That Nana Sarah learned from Papa Harry was no surprise. But what I discovered about Papa Harry’s willingness to learn from her has stayed with me to this day. Papa Harry did not ignore Nana Sarah’s knowledge and interests even though she never finished high school. Papa Harry was one of the first Jews to graduate MIT. He had an extraordinary intellect. But he understood even the smartest people don’t know everything. Nana Sarah offered him a gift of music; he accepted it.
And that made him truly wise.
This article was published in The Jewish Advocate on September 5, 2018.
