Rude behavior slams us in the face every day: a driver cuts us off with a snarl, a hurried shopper neglects to hold a door open for an elderly person, a fellow movie-goer blabs on his phone after the lights go down. In a world in which rudeness is on the rise, how can we instill good manners in our children along with integrity and desire to treat people in a decent way?
“HONORABLE MENTSCHEN: A Torah-Based Guide to Derech Eretz and Social Skills” (Feldheim Publishers ISB 978-68025-227-9, copyright 2016) is a creative book on manners and mentschkeit behavior written by Genendel Krohn. Colorfully illustrated by Avigayil Cohen, “Honorable Mentschen” contains 84 pages and a glossary. Although written primarily for grades K through 5, older children (and their parents) will also enjoy this book.
The first section of “Honorable Mentschen” is titled ‘Being a Mentsch’ and focuses on behavior in familiar settings. The second section, ‘Bullying and Ona’as Devarim’ teaches how the right words can inspire and encourage while wrong ones can intimidate and embarrass. “Honorable Mentschen” uses lively cartoons to show examples of both good behavior and bad in a variety of everyday scenarios such as politeness at parties and phone etiquette. It emphasizes the importance of never bullying and not standing by when someone else is mistreated. The book teaches children how to be gracious when someone performs a kindness, how to react if the child (or someone else) makes a mistake and how to remain aware of the feelings of others.
Each scenario allows the reader to choose from a well-mannered or ill-mannered response displayed in comic-strip fashion. Although many of the choices in the book’s scenarios are clear-cut, Ms. Krohn also covers certain situations in which the display of good manners can be very subtle. “Honorable Mentschen” recognizes the importance of personal responsibility and following good behavior through to the end.
Ms. Krohn brings the book alive by using real-life examples she has observed both as a parent and a teacher. She sources many of the book’s lessons from plain old common sense, wisdom of The Jewish Sages and the Torah. In fact, Hillel’s summary of the Torah is at the very core of this book: We must treat others as we ourselves wish to be treated.
Hillel’s words are the basis for our Jewish faith, and while children might hear these tenets voiced by parents and teachers, “Honorable Mentschen” allows for children to be actual participants by role-playing and using their imagination. Because the book contains dozens of scenarios, it can be read over time and even repeatedly, for as children grow, their awareness of self and what constitutes polite, empathetic behavior changes with maturity. In addition, continued use of this book can help children internalize the messages contained within. The glossary is a wonderful reference and serves as a springboard for further discussion.
Genendel Krohn began her long teaching career at a seminary in Israel and currently teaches third graders in Connecticut. She began writing children’s books because she believed there was a shortage of quality children’s books teaching valuable lessons. She was inspired to write “Honorable Mentschen” because of an incident she witnessed at a Kiddush when a girl began chatting with a student, ignoring and hurting the feelings of another child sitting beside. Ms. Krohn says: “I knew that the girl simply needed guidance to realize how her actions were being perceived.” Ms. Krohn believes even children who are set fine examples at home can still lack social skills. We all can use improvement, and Ms. Krohn hopes to increase the awareness of both parents and children as to what constitutes mentschkeit behavior. According to Ms. Krohn: “It is much easier to teach a child the correct way to behave before he does something wrong than to try to correct him after the fact.” Ms. Krohn spent three years observing her third-grade students (and her own children) to get ideas for this book. She has also been greatly influenced by her mother, Rebbitzen Suri Gibber, who taught through the use of song, example and story.
Ms. Krohn is an artist herself, and she chose the illustrator, Avigayil Cohen, with particular care. This was a wise decision, for the illustrations are colorful, and their comic-strip quality is truly engaging. The illustrations are also color-coded (red for ill-mannered reaction and green for good) and make it easier for children to absorb each lesson.
“Honorable Mentschen” is an entertaining way to get children to consider their actions in everyday situations. The book goes beyond exploring culturally accepted manners; it encourages children to reflect upon the lessons of the Torah and how we are all inter-connected. Because the book is written and illustrated in such a fun, accessible way, “Honorable Mentschen” is sure to be enjoyed by both children and parents alike.
This article was originally published in The Jewish Advocate on June 1, 2016.
