LESSONS FROM SUKKOT
Sukkot celebrates the harvest. Those of us who garden understand no matter how hard we try, how often we water, fertilize and fuss, certain factors are beyond our control. The weather might be uncooperative. Soil pH could be too high or too low. Over eager insects can rush in and chomp where they should not. The result of the garden is often not what we hope for. But it still can be beautiful.
It’s the same with parenting. Despite the greatest of efforts, children don’t turn out as planned. And just as with gardening, a deviation from the intended path does not necessarily spoil the outcome.
But if a plant doesn’t take, we can always yank it out of the garden, throw it into the woods or compost and buy something else to put in its place. We don’t have this option with our kids and watching a child veer off the path permanently or temporarily is tough for a parent. These are moments when parenting can be most trying. Will our kids get back on track? Will we get back on track? Can we love our children for who they are and not who we hope they will be? Sometimes it is difficult to find the strength required for parenting. I have always found that Sukkot provides a spiritual “tune up” for me as a parent.
Sukkot returns us to the Exodus when the Israelites wandered through the dessert and lived in temporary dwellings. We build our own temporary dwelling at Sukkot, the sukkah. We read from Ecclesiastes that contains many words of wisdom from King Solomon. One of his most famous sayings is: “Vanity of vanity, all is vanity.” How many of us rush out to buy our kids the newest, latest, greatest? Often, this lavishing of “things” isn’t just about making our children happy; we want them to keep up with their friends. We want to keep up with our friends. But to look up through the roof of a sukkah and see the sky and stars, the trees swaying in the breeze, is to recognize God’s presence and feel His strength. Sukkot reminds us this is where the true beauty of life lies and not in material possessions.
The temporary nature of the sukkah also serves as a reminder life itself is temporary. Sukkot encourages us to remember ‘this too shall pass.’ When there are struggles and disappointments with our children — notice I said when and not if — circumstances can always improve. And if we are in a good place, Sukkot reminds us because of the fleeting nature of life, we must never take joyous times for granted. When we have a wonderful moment with our child, whether it be a terrific conversation, a simple walk outside, a special date at Papa Gino’s, or if we see our child developing in a positive, menschkeit way, never take that for granted.
We know King Solomon was wise. He was also a busy guy, for he was surrounded by hundreds of wives and girlfriends. Another of his sayings appears in the book of Proverbs:
“For a righteous man can fall seven times and rise but the wicked shall stumble upon evil.” Proverbs 24:16.
How to interpret this saying? Good hearted people will succeed, and wicked people won’t. Or, evil can never triumph over virtue. But King Solomon’s words speak to me in a different way. What makes a person “righteous” is not simply that she keeps God in her heart, but she keeps on going.
Parents are not always going to get it right. But no matter how many heartaches we have, how many mistakes we make, we can’t give up. Let’s not berate ourselves when matters don’t go as planned. We can’t always be saying “if only, I coulda, woulda, shoulda” when we parent, or we will never get out of bed. Raising children is difficult. But if we use our Jewish faith and traditions to lead us on that winding road of parenting, we can make it through.
And in the low moments every parent has, let’s remind ourselves we are only human by looking up through the roof of our own personal “parenting sukkah.”
We can see the stars.
This article was published in The Jewish Advocate on October 14, 2016.
