Passover celebrates a defining moment for the Jewish people. It teaches the importance of faith, hope and courage. It reminds us to never forget and bring the past forward. Passover also makes me consider Moses’ family. What happened to his wife and children? How did the Israelites treat his adoptive mother, Bithiah? And what did Moses’ brother (and sister) feel when Moses entered their lives as God’s prophet? The Torah is filled with examples of siblings who have less than stellar relationships including Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brothers. But the relationship between Moses and Aaron shows how powerful a sibling bond can be.
Aaron did not grow up in a palace. He experienced a life of oppression and drudgery. When Moses returned to Egypt ready to free the Israelite slaves, Aaron harbored no resentment for his ex-prince brother; he willingly worked with Moses. Aaron’s role in the Exodus was crucial, but Moses remained the main player. Can’t you imagine Aaron grumbling: “Isn’t it enough Moses had the benefit of a palace upbringing? Now he has been chosen by God, and everyone thinks he is big man on campus! Life is not fair.”
I would not expect Aaron and Moses to act like two squabbling teenagers given they were elderly men by the time God sent Moses on his mission. It is true that at one point Aaron (and their sister, Miriam) questioned God’s favor of their brother, but overall, Aaron and Moses demonstrated mutual support. Each man found joy in the gifts of his brother. The Midrash references Aaron’s pride in Moses when he, Aaron, and his sons were chosen to be priests. “Let the same heart that rejoiced in the greatness of his brother have precious stones set upon it.”
Moses, too, might have complained. Why didn’t God choose him to be a priest? After all, he led the Israelites out of Egypt, and Aaron was far from perfect. (Golden Calf, anyone?) But Moses gave no indication he believed Aaron undeserving of such an honor. He remained humble and shared in Aaron’s joy. The Midrash describes Moses’ feelings: “Even though you have become high priest, it is as though I had become high priest.”
Perhaps part of this brotherly bond resulted from the fact Moses and Aaron did not grow up together and compete over their parents’ affection. But these two men understood that one person’s success did not minimize another’s achievements. They appreciated their differences and showed support in difficult times. Isn’t this the relationship we all hope our children will develop? What can parents do to promote a sibling bond?
Parental favoritism causes many family quarrels in the Torah. I don’t believe parents plan to favor one child over another. We try to treat our children equally, but it’s never a perfect system. A parent with a fragile ego might prefer the child who has the most visible success. Another parent might relate best to a child whose personality is more “in sync” with her own. Conversely, a parent can butt heads with a child who shares similar faults and is just so annoying. Favoritism never creates sturdy family roots.
Another parental pitfall is the comparison trap. “Why can’t you study as hard as your sister?” “Why don’t you co-operate like your brother?” Such assessments rarely motivate and often create a divide. Too often we speak words which not only encourage competition within our own home but remind kids they don’t measure up to their peers. We grumble about another person’s child who is smarter, more athletic, or gained acceptance to a better college. And with everyone posting their perfect lives on Facebook, it’s no wonder today’s kids anxiously hang on to what they have and resent others—whether a sibling or not—who appear to have an advantage.
It is more important than ever to make conscious efforts to be fair with our children and not keep score. We should take pleasure in each child’s unique gifts and not allow “in house” comparisons to permeate our homes. We must also stop resenting other people’s accomplishments and skip the jealous asides. Secure children who view another’s achievements as inspiration instead of a threat are more likely to develop strong ties with their brothers and sisters.
Passover focuses on the Exodus, but the holiday also reminds us of the potential joy in a sibling relationship. Moses and Aaron were two brothers with different strengths and weaknesses who supported each other in the most trying of times.
And when something good happened to one brother, the joy of this blessing was shared between two hearts.
This article was published in The Jewish Advocate on March 22, 2017.
