My Nana Evelyn was born in Russia during the “year of the big snowstorm” and came to America as a young girl. The poverty and anti-Semitism she experienced in Russia (as well as difficulties caused by beginning anew in America) helped form a character that was tough, resilient, and family-oriented.
She was also known for her sayings.
Some were easy to understand. “We treat our own with a bitter tone, but we love our own the best” was used when she dealt out constructive – if harsh – criticism to a family member. “He takes all day to mail a letter” was used to describe someone who painstakingly overdid everything but in fact got very little accomplished.
But other “Nana Evelyn-isms” were more difficult to understand. As a matter of fact, when I was growing up I sometimes wondered if a “Nana Evelyn to English Dictionary” might be helpful. We often asked Nana Evelyn to explain herself, and we got one of two responses (similar to the responses she gave when someone asked for a recipe.) She would either offer a detailed answer or wave her hand and say: “Ge schlafen! Get on with you!”
The latter response is what she often gave when asked to interpret: “Moses went up the mountain.” This saying was typically accompanied by a slight shrug and a sigh. I eventually figured out she used this expression when someone was: making a poor decision, unable to decide, mindlessly going along with the crowd, or simply wanted someone else to decide for them.
Nana Evelyn was no biblical scholar, so what did she mean? That Moses was a bad decision maker? That the person she was discussing looked like Moses? (or in my youthful mind looked like Charlton Heston in “The Ten Commandments?”)
One day when I was in my teens, I went to my grandmother’s for a light lunch (in other words, five courses instead of ten) and pressed her for an explanation of the Moses saying.
Nana Evelyn made a startling confession.
Although she had long claimed credit for the expression, it was actually her mother who invented it when discussing Yakob, the shoemaker’s son.
The shoemaker’s son?
A successful shoemaker lived in my grandmother’s village. He ran his business with an iron fist. His only son, Yakob, took over the business when the shoemaker died. The business floundered. It was not that Yakob lacked talent, having worked for his father for many years. His problem was decision making. Either he couldn’t make a decision, or when he did, it was poorly made. So, what did this have to do with Moses?
Nana Evelyn explained it like this. “When the Israelites were slaves, they were told what to do. When they fled Egypt, they listened to Moses. But when Moses went up the mountain and stayed away too long, they did not know how to think for themselves. They ran around like chickens without heads and made that silly cow. I mean calf!” Apparently, the shoemaker never allowed his son, Yakob, to make any decisions relating to the family business. Yakob, like the Israelites, floundered because he did not know how to think for himself.
There are many reasons why the Israelites built the Golden Calf. But to Nana Evelyn (and her mother) it represented the idea we can not determine the best path if others are always telling us which path to take. The Golden Calf gave the Israelites a false sense of security while Moses was away. They did not trust themselves or God because they were too dependent on others to decide for them. Nana Evelyn was a wise woman, and I thought a great deal about what she told me. Many years later when I became a mother, her words came back to me in full force.
As parents, we need to make sure that our children know how to stand on their own two feet.
This is not simply a world view; it is a self view. Our children need to believe not only in God but in themselves. They need to listen and admit when they don’t understand, avoid being ruled by the mob, and ask the right questions. As a matter of fact, neither the events surrounding the Golden Calf nor the Torah itself teaches that proper living is all about letting God tell us what to do. We don’t become a good person or a good Jew by simply following the rules, a concept that the shoemaker did not understand. God favors those who ask questions. Jewish teaching emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility. However, being responsible for oneself is frightening, and if our kids are always looking for other people to tell them what to do, they will never take the time to truly understand the decision-making process. Our children need to see how their actions and outcomes are connected, so that if there is a mistake, they don’t repeat it. Wrong choices have consequences, and the chance to make good choices is always there. Our children should not be denied the opportunity to trust both in the values we have taught them, and in the wisdom of God. This is especially important in stressful situations. The Israelites were having a difficult time. But we grow the most from difficult experiences. There are no short cuts to maturity, spiritual or otherwise.
So, let’s give our kids the confidence to spread their wings and develop their own decision-making skills so that even when Moses goes up the mountain, their faith and personal strength can allow them to truly fly.
This article was published in The Jewish Advocate on April 17, 2015.
