When I was nine, I went with my father to the supermarket. Groceries were not the draw; my dad promised we would stop at Dunkin Donuts on the way home. (It would be honey-dipped for me; plain for my father because everyone knew plain went best with hot coffee.) We stood in the supermarket line behind a man who set his items on the conveyor belt. After the cashier rung up his purchases, the man remained motionless, muttering. Several times, the cashier told him what he owed; the man’s confusion continued. The check-out line grew longer. My father placed his hand on the man’s arm and asked if he needed help. The man shook his head, paid the cashier and left with his groceries, still muttering.
The woman behind us rolled her eyes in disgust. “People like that should not be out on the streets. He’s half a person! They should lock him up and throw away the key.” My father turned to the woman and said, “Ma’am, I hope people treat you more kindly if you become ill.”
Afterwards, in Dunkin Donuts, I sat with my donut, perplexed. Why did that woman think the man should be locked up? Was he a thief? What did she mean when she said the man was half a person? Was he missing a body part? And why did my father think he was ill? The man wasn’t coughing or sneezing. Other than the confusion and self-talk, he looked “normal” enough. I shared these thoughts with my father. “Not everyone who is unwell has a physical problem,” he said. “But that doesn’t make anyone less of a person. And you don’t lock people up just because what’s wrong is something we can’t see.”
This conversation was unusual in those days. Mental illness was not discussed. But I will never forget my father’s compassion or the unsympathetic woman. Unfortunately, I came to learn her words reflected many people’s opinion that the best way to deal with someone who struggled emotionally or mentally was to shut him away.
I like to think we have grown since then, and in many ways we have. Discussions about mental illness and seeking help are more common. Sadly, we have regressed these last few years. Our president has no qualms about the use of labels and has referred to people as:
Crazy.
Nut job
Unstable
Mentally sick
Gone off the deep end
Wacko
Basket case
Monster
Other prominent people have followed the president’s lead and used similar rhetoric. I recently heard someone criticize a political opponent by saying, “He’s crazy. I think he should be locked up.”
This name-calling has implications beyond criticism of the daily target. It encourages us to lump anyone with an emotional or mental issue into one repugnant group. People will be less likely to seek help for themselves or a loved one when depression makes you a “wacko” or addiction means you are a “total nut job.” Further, the president has pushed the narrative that mental illness leads to violence. The truth is, mentally ill people are more likely to be victims of violent crime.
In August of 2019, the president said, “I remember growing up, we had mental institutions. A lot of them were closed…. That’s not a good thing.” There is little doubt we need more mental health care. But when the president was growing up – “the good old days” – most mental institutions were not places of treatment designed to help a patient lead a productive life. Many health care facilities served as dumping grounds for anyone with mental or emotional issues. This belief that individuals who do not “act like us” deserve to be called names and locked away is not only wrong, it is a slippery slope. Other governments have promoted not simply the isolation of the mentally ill, but their actual murder.
We should have open and honest discussions about these issues with our children. Such conversations are crucial now that people at the highest level of government have taken this backward step.
That long ago incident at the supermarket has stayed with me to this day. When I pass the Dunkin Donuts (now “Dunkin”) on Route 9 in Newton, I remember my father’s words and the sad situation that prompted them. Jews understand the danger of stigmas and stereotypes, the horrors that can result from marginalizing and locking away anyone who doesn’t meet the standards of those in power. Although other prominent people have spoken similar words, Pearl S. Buck said, “…the test of civilization is the way that it cares for its helpless members.”
Those who struggle are not half people. They should never be labeled or shoved aside simply because, in my father’s words, “what’s wrong is something we can’t see.”
This article was published in The Jewish Advocate in 2020.
